One More Thing Before You Go
by dawneh
Summary: Set in a world where JP never confessed his feelings, never came out as gay and never once shared a kiss with Craig, it's the night before Craig is due to leave for Dublin and John Paul knows that his last chance to tell his friend the truth has arrived
1. Chapter 1

There are so many people that pass through your life as the years go by. Some of them you hardly remember, others you might recall one day with a fond smile and then there are those you can never forget. Those people who change everything until you are no longer the person you once were. There are people who touch your life and there are people who take it. There are people who leave a gentle fingerprint on your heart and others who leave a scar so deep that it will never beat to the same rhythm ever again.

When John Paul McQueen was ten years old he made a friend and he genuinely believed that friendship would last a lifetime. The two boys had been inseparable and both families had often joked that they were more like brothers than friends. Shortly before John Paul's twelfth birthday Patrick's family moved away and the two boys never met again. With the resilience of childhood John Paul soon found a new best friend and Patrick became a distant memory, someone he might think of once in a while and wonder where that boy might be now but another distraction would soon drive the thoughts from his mind. Quite simply John Paul moved on.

When John Paul McQueen was seventeen years old he met a young man who would change everything and there would never be any way of going back. The unlikely duo had been drawn to each other as they began their final year at school, although in truth it was Craig's second attempt at his final year, the first try not going quite as well as he had hoped, and a friendship grew that neither of them had anticipated.

Their lives seemed to spark off each other and as the weeks and months passed by they both knew that they had found a friendship the likes of which neither had ever experienced before. They both knew that their lives were richer since finding each other. And, as the summer drew to a close and Craig prepared to leave for University in Dublin, John Paul feared that the greatest friendship of his life was going to be lost.

There are people who breeze through your life and barely leave a mark and there are people who grab a hold of your life until you can't imagine it without them. There are people who hit your life with such force and power that you have to question who you really are. There are people who carve their names deep into your heart, so deep that the cuts never heal, so deep that with each beat your heart bleeds out that name until it means more to you than your own.

As John Paul McQueen sat at a table in the Dog in the Pond he knew that he was looking at such a person. He knew that his best friend stood at the bar getting drinks meant so much more to him than a best friend. He knew that with each beat his heart was screaming out for Craig to hear it. But what John Paul knew most of all was that the next day Craig was leaving for Dublin. Craig and his girlfriend were starting a new life in a new country and that life didn't include John Paul.

John Paul knew that with every beat of his heart it was breaking a little bit more and, as Craig returned to the table with the drinks, John Paul knew that he was facing his last ever chance to tell Craig all the things he had ever wanted to say.

"Cheers." Craig raised his bottle in the air and clinked it against John Paul's.

"So what are we drinking to?" John Paul asked as he poured some of the cold lager into his mouth.

"I dunno, the future?"

The future? Without Craig in it John Paul didn't see the future as being something to toast, but he couldn't exactly tell Craig that, so instead he smiled and raised his bottle once more.

"To the future!"

Clinking the bottles together again Craig observed his friend with interest. How was it that in the space of twelve months that blue-eyed boy had gone from being the "weird McQueen" to the best friend Craig had ever known, the person he was going to miss most of all, more even than his family.

"You sure Sarah doesn't mind you spending your last night in Hollyoaks with me?" John Paul asked breaking into Craig's thoughts.

"Nah," Craig assured him, "I think she's gone to the loft with Hannah and Nancy anyway… the last thing I need is all that girly stuff and the weeping about how much they're gonna miss each other!"

"Yeah right," John Paul laughed. Craig had no idea how close John Paul felt to his own display of "girly stuff" as he thought of Craig being so far away.

"Shame things didn't work out with you and Hannah, thought you were set there for a while!"

John Paul tried not to flinch at Craig's words, he still felt bad about how he had treated Hannah and he always would but in the end he couldn't keep lying to her, pretending he felt things he didn't and so he'd ended it and in doing so he'd broken her heart.

"Oh you know how it is!" John Paul said casually.

"Not really… you never said what happened… I mean thinks looked pretty serious for a while and then after her birthday you just up and dumped her? What was that about?"

John Paul stifled a sigh. He remembered Hannah's 18th birthday with startling clarity. He could picture the look of hurt on Craig's face when he saw Sarah with her tongue down Rhys Ashworth's throat and he could remember his own rage that someone could treat his friend so badly.

John Paul had nearly blown his cover that night. He'd nearly told Craig everything. It was all getting too much for him and he frantically tried to tell Craig that he deserved better than Sarah, better than someone who would treat him so poorly. He deserved someone who would love him and only him. But the words had become jumbled in John Paul's throat and Craig hadn't understood what he was saying.

In the end John Paul had blurted out that he hated seeing Craig being treated that way and Craig had hugged his friend close declaring "That's cause we're brothers". John Paul had wept as he realised that being Craig's "brother" was the most he could ever hope for.

"She just wasn't my type," John Paul said pouring more of the sparkling liquid into his mouth, feeling its chill run down his throat and settle coolly into his stomach.

"Yeah I can see why that is," Craig laughed, "I mean she's only smart and funny and sexy and everything… no bloke in his right mind would fancy her eh? Christ John Paul if I didn't know better I'd think you were gay!"

John Paul bit his lip. It was so tempting to reply "that's cause I am," to finally say the words that had been plaguing his life for so long, to finally tell the man he loved who he really was. But instead John Paul kept silent, just like he had been doing for months, like he had been doing for years. Hiding the truth away and at the same time hoping and praying that someone would see through his disguise and let him be himself at last. John Paul had always dreamed that it would be Craig who finally saw the truth in him, but it hadn't worked out that way, and now Craig was leaving and John Paul could feel the hours slipping away, the chances to finally tell the truth falling through his grip second by second.

"I was surprise when you said Sarah was going to Dublin with you," John Paul said desperate to change the subject, "I thought you were looking forward to going on your own… chatting up all those Trinity girls!"

"To be honest… she kind of invited herself," Craig replied with a doleful smile, "And she got so excited when she got the idea I didn't have the heart to refuse."

"Craig, you can't do something like that just to make Sarah happy…"

"Nah, it'll be fine… besides won't do my cred any harm turning up in Dublin with a model on my arm eh?"

Craig grinned widely but John Paul wasn't convinced. Was Sarah really what Craig wanted, or just what he thought he should want? She had put him through so much over the months, cheating on him and hurting him but every time Craig forgave her, every time Craig took her back and every time John Paul wanted to scream out loud that she wasn't Craig's only choice, that there was someone else who would love him the way he deserved.

"Look lads I'm locking up now." Jack's Scottish tone pulled John Paul from his thoughts. Was it really that time already? Was it really time to say goodbye?

"Sorry Jack," Craig said getting to his feet, "Didn't realise how late it was, suppose it's time to go."

"Nah you're alright," Jack said with a kind smile, "I'll leave the clearing up till morning, why don't you lads have another couple of drinks, it's gonna be a long time before you get the chance to do that again… just a couple mind… I don't wanna get up in the morning to find the place empty!"

"Thanks Jack," John Paul said with a smile that could never quite convey his gratitude. Every last minute he got to spend with Craig now was a bonus and every second had to be cherished.

"Pool?" Craig asked as he sauntered over to the pool table.

"Why not," John Paul replied, "But I'll just…" John Paul nodded his head towards the gents. He needed a few minutes alone. He needed to think, to decide what he was going to do, IF he was going to do anything.

The gents had a strange echoey silence of an empty pub as John Paul leant on the cold porcelain of the sink and looked at his reflection.

"So what are you gonna do?" he asked his image silently. The pale blue eyes that looked back at him unblinking said simply, "I have no idea."

John Paul was tired of the lies, of pretending to be someone he wasn't and it made his heart ache to look at the man he loved and not be able to say the words to him but he was also scared. Scared of Craig's reaction, of Craig's rejection, terrified that in declaring his love he could lose his friend.

Splashing cold water over his face John Paul sighed. Try as he might to find the words to make Craig understand they stubbornly refused to come.

How was he supposed to tell his best friend that he was in love with him? That Craig consumed his every waking thought and he longed to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him and to make love to him. How was he supposed to explain that knowing Craig had changed his life, that knowing Craig had made him feel complete and that knowing Craig had taught him what real love felt like? How would he say all that and not risk losing the friendship that he cherished and the man that he needed?

Taking a deep breath John Paul pushed open the door to the toilets and watched for a moment as Craig placed the pool balls in the small plastic triangle on top of the green baize. How could he say all those things to Craig, but then again how could he not?

---

"Here." Craig handed John Paul a small glass of amber liquid as he approached the pool table. Taking a sip of the drink John Paul raised an eyebrow.

"Whiskey?"

"Well Jack said to help ourselves to a couple of drinks."

"I don't think his 20 year old malt was what he had in mind!"

"I'm sure he won't mind… besides who knows when we'll get the chance to do this again… I thought we should make it memorable."

Holding his glass in front of him Craig smiled, the warm generous smile that had always touched John Paul's heart the deepest. "To friends," Craig said touching his glass against John Paul's.

"To best friends," John Paul replied as he poured a measure of the whisky down his throat. The liquid burned and soothed at the same time, setting fire to his throat and seemingly making his heart pound a little faster. But then his increased pulse rate could have been due to the fact that Craig chose that moment to take up his pool cue and lean over the table.

John Paul forcibly tore his eyes from the sight of Craig's body. Forcing himself to look away from the firm thighs and tight buttocks that were snugly clad in denim as the alcohol buzzing through his veins made the need to seek physical contact all the stronger.

---

"Who am I gonna thrash at pool when you're not around eh?" Craig asked with a triumphant flourish as he lay his cue down on the table. It was the third set in a row that he had won and something told him that the result was more due to John Paul letting him win than any real skill on Craig's part.

"I'm sure you'll find someone to taunt," John Paul teased as he placed his cue next to Craig's and drained the last of the whiskey from his glass, his third glass.

"Not like you I won't," Craig replied the laughter fading from his voice as the painful realisation that it could be months before he ever saw John Paul again began to settle in his chest.

"Well of course not," John Paul continued, desperately trying to keep his tone light despite the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes, "One of a kind me!"

"I mean it John Paul… it's not gonna be the same without you… I'm gonna miss ya."

"I'll miss you too," John Paul said quietly, his voice catching as the longing he always felt multiplied and spun through his body like a tornado. "You've got no idea just how much I'm gonna miss you."

"Course I do, it's the same for me mate… part of me wishes I could stay in Hollyoaks and join you at HCC…"

"But you won't…"

"Can't really can I? Not after all the effort it took to get me to Trinity… But I really will miss seeing you everyday… You're the best mate I've ever had John Paul, don't you forget that."

"Best mate," John Paul echoed. Best mate, that was all he was and although that was a wonderful and special thing to be it wasn't enough, it was never going to be enough. Craig's eyes seemed to sparkle brightly under the subdued lighting of the empty pub and John Paul longed to touch his face, just once, to kiss his soft lips one time before it was too late, to say the words that were beating a steady rhythm in his chest while he still had the time. "Craig… I… I want to… I need to say…"

"I know mate," Craig interrupted with a deep smile, "Come 'ere."

Craig pulled his best friend into his arms and hugged him close. "No matter where we are we'll always be mates yeah? Always…"

"I love you Craig." The words seemed to fall from John Paul's lips without any conscious decision being made and before he realised it he had said the one thing he had been hiding for so long.

"Love you too," Craig replied slapping John Paul firmly on the back.

"Do you?"

"Course… we're like brothers… better than brothers…"

John Paul sighed as Craig's hold around him fell away. He instantly missed the warmth of the embrace and longed to ask for it back.

"That's not what I mean Craig," John Paul said in a shaky voice, "I don't love you like a brother…"

"Well OK… maybe not a brother exactly but…"

"No Craig, you're not listening to me… you're not hearing what I'm saying."

John Paul wasn't certain if it was the whiskey flowing through his veins or the all to immanent moment of Craig's departure racing towards him that brought forward a sudden rush of courage but once he started he knew there was no backing down, he had to make Craig see, no matter what the cost.

"What are you on about?" Craig asked with a puzzled frown.

Taking a deep breath John Paul stepped forward, cupping his hands around Craig's face he lifted the man's gaze to meet his own. The rich brown eyes that looked at him so gently made his heart break and as he blinked John Paul felt a few stray tears tumble over his cheeks.

"I love you Craig," John Paul repeated slowly, "I love you… I am IN LOVE with you…"

"I don't understand what you're saying?" Craig gazed uncertainly at the bright blue eyes that glistened with tears. John Paul couldn't possibly be meaning what it sounded like he meant Craig reasoned, it must be the whiskey confusing his brain.

"Yes you do," John Paul said still holding firmly to the beautiful face in his hands, "I love you… I… I want you… I want to be with you and kiss you and make love to you and…"

"Stop it." Craig pushed John Paul's hands from his face as he staggered backwards the force of John Paul's words slamming hard into his chest, "Just stop saying those things…"

"I can't Craig because it's true and if I don't say them now then I never will…"

"So then never say them…because I don't want to hear them…"

Craig's feet felt heavy as he turned from John Paul, his steps slow and laborious as he struggled to shake off the words that were running round and round in his mind.

"I'm sorry Craig," John Paul gasped as the tears began to fall freely, "I'm sorry if this isn't something that you want to hear… that you want to know… but it's true and it's been killing me for months hiding it from you…"

"Months?" Craig turned back to face his weeping friend. John Paul had been feeling this way for months and hadn't said anything. He had been feeling like this all the times they had changed together for football, or tried on their new tuxedos for the dance, he'd been in love with Craig and never said anything. He'd been lying, all this time John Paul had been lying to him. He'd pretended to be Craig's friend and all the time he was…

"You're gay?" The question sounded more like an accusation and John Paul flinched as the words were spat at him.

"Yeah… yeah I am…"

"And all this time you've been… what? Perving over me?"

"No Craig… no it's not like that…"

"I thought you were my friend…"

"I am…"

"No you're not… my friend isn't a queer… my friend isn't… isn't whatever the hell it is that you are…"

"Craig please… I'm still me… still the same John Paul that loves football and pool and…"

"And men!"

"And you…"

"Get the hell out of here…"

"I'm sorry…"

"I don't want to hear it… just get out… get away from me…"

"I am so sorry Craig… I had to tell you… I needed you to know…"

The sound of the door closing seemed so loud and so final. John Paul stood in the cold night air outside the Dog in the Pond and wept. He had known the risk but he had still taken the chance. He had taken the chance and lost, lost everything. Sinking to his knees on the ground John Paul clutched at his chest as he felt the bitterness of Craig's words tear his heart into a thousand shreds leaving his chest empty and hollow.

Craig's breathing was fast and laboured as he leant against the door. He couldn't understand how things could change so quickly and he felt lost and confused by John Paul's words. Reaching his hand to his face he could still feel John Paul's gentle touch, he could still see the love shining in John Paul's eyes, but then hadn't he always been able to see that? Was John Paul's confession really that much of a surprise, was it that much of a shock? Sinking to his knees on the carpet Craig wrapped his arms around his chest as he felt the soft caress of John Paul's words that seemed to make his heart swell in a way that no one else's ever had.


	2. Chapter 2

John Paul shivered. His bedroom seemed bitterly cold despite the mild night air but John Paul knew that the chill he felt had little to do with the weather.

His walk home had seemed slow and laborious as every step took him further away from where he wanted to be. Every sound on the street and every rustle of the trees seemed to mock his steps, taunting him and laughing at him. He could have sworn he heard the words "queer" and "poof" being whispered from the bushes but every time he turned to face his accuser there was no one there. John Paul was alone, so very alone.

His original plan had been to throw himself into bed and prey that sleep would take away the confusion and pain raging through his chest, but somehow once stripped to his boxers sleep seemed the last thing that John Paul could face. In sleep there could be dreams and in dreams there could be hope, and the last thing John Paul felt that he had right now was hope.

John Paul had known that confessing his feeling to Craig would be a risk. He had been prepared for shock; disbelief even for rejection but what he hadn't expected was hostility. He wasn't foolish enough to hope that Craig would fall into his arms claiming he felt the same way, no matter how many times he had dreamt that scenario, but he had always believed that their friendship was strong enough to survive his revelations, now he wasn't so sure. The look in Craig's eyes as he pushed John Paul from the pub had been so cold, so very negative as if he were seeing off a stranger. John Paul wrapped his arms around his bare legs and buried his face against his knees wishing, as he had done a hundred times since leaving the Dog, that he hadn't said anything.

---

Craig sipped slowly at his glass of whiskey letting the rich liquid burn his throat as it trailed a warming path to his stomach. He wasn't sure how long he had sat with his back leaning against the door. Long enough to hear John Paul's footsteps retreat into the night. Long enough for his limbs to ache from his immobility. And long enough to wonder what the hell had just happened.

It was supposed to be so simple, a few farewell drinks with his friend, his best friend, before facing a whole new world and a whole new future in Dublin. How did the evening so quickly change from that to one where he called his best friend a queer and threw him from the pub?

With a mouthful of the warming liquid Craig closed his eyes and conjured up an image of John Paul. They had known each other less than a year and yet he could picture the man with perfect clarity, better even than he could recall the face of the woman he was supposed to love. He had shared so much with John Paul in the last 12 months, his hopes and dreams, his fears and nightmares. He had shared more of himself with that one person than he ever had with another living soul. So how had he never noticed that John Paul's feeling had changed? Was John Paul really that good an actor or was it Craig who happily chose to see only what he wanted to?

Looking at his watch Craig was startled to see it was already 3am. He was due to leave with Sarah at eleven. That gave him eight hours. Eight hours to decide if his friendship with John Paul McQueen could survive the night. Eight hours to decide if he could survive without John Paul's friendship. Eight hours, it just wasn't enough.

---

John Paul turned his weary face to look at his alarm clock. 3.15am. Only a few hours and Craig would be gone. The thought of a life without Craig in it made John Paul gasp back a sob. When he first met Craig Dean he had never expected the man to become so important to him, but John Paul had quickly discovered that there was much more to the youngest Dean than he ever willingly revealed to the outside world. It took a lot for Craig to trust anyone enough to let them in and John Paul had become one of those honoured few. Their lives had become so entwined in the space of a year that it was hard to recall a time when Craig wasn't there, wasn't just a phone call away.

Soon Craig would be much further from John Paul than that and he feared that it would no longer only be the distance that was to separate them.

Burying his face in his hands John Paul cursed himself. Cursed himself for saying anything, for being gay, for loving Craig, for everything that he had no control over and yet everything that had driven the most important friendship in his life away from him.

John Paul was considering seeking the refuge of sleep when the low rumbling noise broke into his thoughts. His mobile phone, switched to silent mode several hours earlier, vibrated on the wooden top of his bedside cabinet causing a low echo that seemed to growl in John Paul's ears.

Scooping his phone in one hand John Paul felt a sick panic as he saw the name illuminated on the screen. "Craig." With shaking fingers John Paul accessed the text message. Two words but they filled John Paul with hope and fear.

"I'm outside."

---

"Why?" The word jumped from Craig's lips the second John Paul opened the front door to him.

"Why what?" John Paul asked as he stepped back to let Craig into the McQueen house.

"Why say it?" Craig said in the hushed tone of a late night conversation, "Why tell me? Why now?"

"If not now then when? You leave in a few hours… I had to say something Craig… I just had to…"

John Paul suddenly felt incredibly exposed. In his eagerness to see Craig he had merely pulled on his jeans and was now standing barefoot and topless in the living room while Craig paced before him.

"But why say anything?" Craig asked with a furrowed brow, "That's what I don't get… I'm not gay John Paul…"

"I know that."

"So what did you think would happen?"

"Nothing… I just…"

"Just what?"

John Paul took a slow deep breath as he looked into the bottomless pools of Craig's eyes. They were such a perfect shade of brown, as if nature had known exactly what colour John Paul wanted to spend the rest of his life looking into.

"Have you never felt so…" John Paul paused as he ran his hands through his hair; words and emotions tumbling through him like an out of control acrobat. "When you first fell for Sarah… didn't you want to just shout it from the rooftops? Didn't you feel like you would burst if you couldn't tell everyone just how much in love you were? Didn't it make your heart ache trying to keep the words inside?"

"That's not the same," Craig replied, choosing not to admit he never felt any of those things or that he doubted Sarah had ever felt them, "Me and Sarah… we're together… we're a couple… what I feel for her is…"

"Is what?"

"Normal…"

"And what I feel isn't?"

"Well it isn't…"

"It is for me… I know this is a lot to take in Craig… maybe I should have said something sooner but I was always afraid… afraid of how you would take it… how you would react… god you've got no idea how many times I almost told you…"

Craig collapsed onto the sofa with a sigh. His head felt like it was spinning and he knew it wasn't just down to the whiskey.

"I don't know what to say…" he admitted softly.

"Just say you're my friends," John Paul asked as he sank onto the seat beside the dark haired man he loved, "I'm not asking for any more than that… but if I've lost your friendship over this…"

"I don't know," Craig said with sadness, "Yesterday you were my mate… and now you're…"

"I'm still your mate Craig… I'm still ME."

"But you're not… I mean you're not who I thought you were… and I don't know how it can be the same again… yesterday I didn't know that you wanted to… you know…"

"Sleep with you?"

Craig shuffled uncomfortably, his eyes resting on the carpet to avoid the level gaze of John Paul's gentle blue eyes as his fingers entwined themselves around each other.

"How do I talk to you now? How do I tell you things about me and Sarah… it's all different now…"

"D'you wish I hadn't told you?" John Paul asked in a voice that broke with a touch of grief, "Would you rather not know?"

"I just don't understand John Paul," Craig said with a sigh, "I'm mean… you're a BLOKE… you know… you're not all... gay gay…"

John Paul let out a small laugh. "Well I'm not about to start wearing pink and mince down the high street if that's what you're getting at… gay isn't an illness Craig…"

"I know that…"

"I'm just a man who likes men… I didn't choose this… just like I didn't choose to fall in love with you… d'you really think this is something that I want… d'you think I wouldn't choose a simple life if I could… I tried that Craig… with Hannah… I really tried to be what I thought I should… but it's not me… I can't be that person…"

"But are you sure?" Craig looked at his friend as if seeing him for the first time. His bare chest was so pale, the skin seemed to glow under the subdued lighting of the room and it looked so soft that, for a second, Craig felt tempted to touch it just to see if it felt as smooth as it looked.

"Sure?"

"That you're…"

"Gay?"

John Paul laughed softly. How many times had he asked himself that very same question over the years as one crush moved to another?

"I'm sure," He said with certainty.

"But how can you KNOW?" Craig persisted, "I mean how can you REALLY know if you've never…" Craig hesitated as a sudden unexpected thought came to him. "Have you ever…"

"What?"

"You know… been with a bloke…"

John Paul chewed on his lip thoughtfully; of all the conversations he ever expected to have with Craig Dean this was certainly not one of them.

"Yeah." John Paul's answer was barely a whisper and he looked at Craig's reaction through his eyelashes, unable to meet the deep chocolate stare of his friend.

"Who… when…"

"Do you really want to know this Craig…?"

Craig hesitated. "I just… I need to understand… I mean wasn't it… didn't it feel… wrong?"

John Paul rubbed his hand over his face, closing his eyes as he recalled the man who had shown him what he had always know, shown him who he was.

"No it didn't feel wrong," John Paul replied, "For the first time it felt right… it felt amazing…"

"Who was he?"

"Nobody you know… I met him… you remember Jacqui's wedding to Alek? He was the DJ."

Craig couldn't hold back the laugh. "Just like you then?"

"Yeah… exactly like me… we got talking… about the music he was playing and stuff and then… at the end of the night…"

"What?"

"Are you sure you want to know this?" Craig simply nodded. "At the end of the night I was in the toilets and he came in and… and he kissed me… just like that… he didn't say anything he just kissed me… gave me his number and walked away…"

"What did you do?" Craig wasn't sure why he wanted to know but the more John Paul talked the more he had to know and the more he felt a dislike for the man who… who what? Took his place? That couldn't be what Craig was thinking because that would imply jealousy and jealousy would imply so much more.

"I called him," John Paul said with a shrug, "We met up a couple of days later and I went back to his. He was so gentle… patient… he knew I'd never… before… he didn't try to push me but I wanted it… I really did… maybe it's like you said… I wanted to be sure…"

"And… and you were?"

"Yeah… it was right… more right than it ever had been with Hannah… everything we did felt… natural… no more than that… it felt incredible… only…"

"Only?"

"Only he wasn't the right person," John Paul lifted his face to look into the eyes that were observing him closely, "he wasn't the person I wanted to be making love to… he wasn't the person I was in love with… am in love with…"

John Paul's eyes were such a brilliant shade of blue that Craig felt hypnotised by their intensity. John Paul had always understood him more than any other person alive and the thought of losing that kind of understanding, that kind of friendship was unbearable. Craig's heart pounded loudly until he thought he could hear it echoing around the room. He felt confused but certain and, as John Paul's eyes threatened to drown him, Craig began to understand things that hadn't made sense to him for months.

"John Paul?" The name breathed from Craig's lips in a ghostly whisper.

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared…"

"So am I."

Craig didn't remember reaching out his hand but he discovered it was resting against the smoothness of John Paul's chest. The skin was as soft as he imagined and the man's heart raced beneath his fingertips.

"I don't want to lose you," Craig whispered.

"You won't… ever…"

"I don't know what to do…"

"You don't have to do anything… just be my friend…"

"I don't know that I can…"

"But…?

"I mean… I don't know if it's enough…" Craig's hand trembled against John Paul's cool flesh. He wasn't sure what he was feeling or what he was thinking but he knew he didn't want to let it stop.

"Craig what are you saying?"

"I'm not sure," Craig said as he leant towards his gentle blonde friend, "Everything's got so mixed up in my head… what you've said… what you feel… what I feel… about Sarah… about you… help me John Paul."

"What can I do?"

"Show me," Craig's hand moved to touch the curve of John Paul's cheek as his soft brown eyes burned deeply into the younger man's brilliant blue ones, "Let me know who I am."

"Please don't do this Craig," John Paul begged as Craig's fingertips stroked lightly over his face, running over the fullness of his lips and making John Paul whimper with desire. "Please don't do something you'll regret… I couldn't stand it if you hated me for this…"

"I need to know John Paul," Craig pleaded, his mouth hovering only a fraction of an inch from John Paul's lips, "I need you to show me."

John Paul shook his head in desperation. As much as he wanted Craig, as much as he craved and needed the man he was terrified that what Craig was doing was only a knee-jerk reaction that he would all to quickly regret, killing any hopes of salvaging their friendship forever.

"I never wanted to shout my love for Sarah from the rooftops," Craig breathed into John Paul's mouth, "I want to know how that feels… and I think you can show me…"

Craig tried not to think about what he was doing, thought would only lead to doubt and, as he tasted John Paul's mouth for the first time, Craig knew that this was something he had been waiting for without even realising it. Kissing John Paul should be wrong, should feel wrong. But it didn't, far from it, as John Paul's lips parted for him Craig discovered that whatever else it might be it was right.

John Paul's resistance was driven from him as Craig's lips pressed warmly against his mouth. For months he had dreamed of kissing that beautiful man but he had never once dared to hope that he would ever get to. And now Craig was kissing him, Craig's arms were pulling him close, Craig's tongue was pushing into the heat of his mouth, John Paul felt alive and he knew it was right.

"Craig are you sure about this?" John Paul's voice came in a whisper, his lips not wanting to move too far from Craig's, his hands running over the man's arms and his heart pounding so wildly that he feared it might be in danger of bursting.

"I'm not sure of anything any more," Craig replied breathlessly, "But when you said… when I thought… I don't know… the idea of not…" Craig's words tripped over each other as he breathed in the heat from John Paul's mouth, so close to his own that he desperately wanted to lean forward and claim it again, but John Paul's hands, now gripping his biceps, restrained him. "The thought of not seeing you every day… of not being with you… I hate it…"

"But that doesn't mean this Craig," John Paul reasoned, "That just means you're gonna miss our friendship…"

"I thought this was what you wanted…" Craig's soft eyes darkened with misunderstanding and a sudden fear that John Paul had been teasing him, laughing at him and making him want something that could never be.

"I do Craig," John Paul said gently, his blue eyes glowing with the force of the emotions he had tried for so long to hide, "I love you… I want to love you… but not because you're drunk and feeling emotional about going away… not if it's gonna spoil what we've got… not if it's something you're gonna regret in the morning…"

Craig's head tilted slightly as he looked deep into the vastness of John Paul's azure gaze, those brilliant blue eyes that seemed to see and know far more than Craig ever could.

"I don't know about tomorrow," Craig admitted, "I don't know anything anymore… but I know this…" Craig touched his fingertips lightly to John Paul's lips, "I know how right this feels… I know I don't want it to stop… I know that I want… more… everything… I want you."

"Craig…" The name came in a sigh that echoed a years worth of longing.

"Please John Paul… all we've got is tonight… after this I don't know… let's not waste the time we have trying to guess what tomorrow will bring…"

"Craig…" John Paul rose slowly to his feet and, after a seconds hesitation during which time he looked down on the man who gave his heart meaning, he held out his hands and pulled Craig up beside him. "Whatever else happens Craig… I want you to know this… I want you to know how much I love you… and being with you like this… even if tonight is all we ever have… it's more that I dared dream."

---

Craig's shirt fell to the floor of John Paul's bedroom, his bare chest softly tanned in a stark contrast to the paleness of John Paul's skin. John Paul stroked his hands over the man's perfectly defined body, feeling it tremble under his touch as he drank in the delicious sight of the semi-naked man.

"You're so gorgeous," John Paul whispered, "There were so many times I wanted to say that to you… to tell you how incredible you looked."

"Maybe you should have."

"I wish I had… I wish I'd been brave enough to do this months ago."

"We're here now."

Craig closed his eyes and let out a small gasp of pleasure as John Paul's hot mouth nuzzled into his neck while warm hands ran over his back. If only he'd known how good this could feel. If only he'd known how John Paul felt about him. If only he'd known.

John Paul's kisses covered Craig's chest, his teeth nipping gently over Craig's nipples as they jumped to attention and his hands kneading into the softness of Craig's buttocks, as both men's breathing got heavier.

Craig grabbed John Paul's face with both hands, bringing the man's mouth back to where he could taste it. The gentleness of their earlier kiss was gone, replaced by a fierce desire that pressed their mouths together hungrily until their lips were in serious danger of bruising. But neither man wanted to stop as their tongues fought the battle for supremacy, dancing together in the heat between them as they pushed their bodies close together, clawing at each others skin with a desperate need to become one.

A low rumble growled deep in Craig's throat as John Paul ground their groins together sending electrifying pulses shooting through him in a way he had never experienced before. His heart raced with the unexpected and unknown lust coursing through his flesh and he felt terrified of taking things further, but not as terrified as he was of stopping and never finding that kind of passion again.

"Show me what to do," Craig gasped into John Paul's deep kiss.

"Just let me love you," John Paul replied slowly unbuttoning Craig's jeans and easing them over the man's hips, pushing down his boxers as he trailed his nails lightly over Craig's olive skin.

Craig's hands gripped John Paul's shoulders to steady himself as the younger man's soft palm pressed against his hard eager cock, fingers curling firmly around it to move with a slow seductive rhythm.

"Oh god…" Craig panted as John Paul's touch made his whole body shudder with delight. It wasn't that Craig had never been touched that way before but somehow this felt so different, so much more intense, so much like the way he had always thought it should.

"Is this OK?" John Paul asked nervously. The only other man he had ever touched had been the DJ from Jacqui's wedding but this time John Paul was the one taking control and it had to be perfect, this could be his only chance. This could be their only time.

"It's incredible," Craig replied as he looked into the splendour of John Paul's smile with awe, "You're incredible…"

John Paul fell slowly to his knees, pulling the remainder of Craig's clothing to the ground as he fell and removing them quickly to reveal Craig's true naked beauty, a sight that took John Paul's breath away and left him shaking with a combination of pent up desire and nervous anticipation.

Craig's hands rested on John Paul's shoulders as the man's mouth breathed hotly against his thigh, the tip of John Paul's tongue tickled against Craig's soft skin making the man ready to beg for more. But he didn't have to beg as John Paul's hunger for the taste of Craig had built up for so many months that he was ravenous to consume every inch of the man that he could.

Parting his lips John Paul pressed them to the smooth head of Craig's cock; gripping its base firmly with his hand he took Craig into his mouth. John Paul felt nervous as he awkwardly lapped at the fullness of the cock in his mouth, sucking clumsily at the head until he slowly settled into a comfortable rhythm. The more he relaxed the deeper he felt able to take Craig's cock into his throat until his face was pressed deep into Craig's groin and he breathed in the musky scent of the man's pubic hair.

Craig's legs shook and he gasped loudly and repeatedly as John Paul's hot mouth devoured him. The teasing of John Paul's tongue tickled and probed into the sensitive slit at the tip of Craig's cock, sucking in the drops of precum and circling it over its head. Craig was torn between the desire to give in completely and fill that gorgeous mouth with the heat of his lust and the wish to make the moment last forever, to never end the exquisite sensation of John Paul's mouth sucking firmly and hungrily against his cock.

John Paul's cock ached and strained inside his jeans as his mouth bobbed up and down against the hardness of Craig's. Craig's breaths were coming in hard heavy pants and he shook with the need for release that he could hardly contain. Just as he thought he might explode the mouth clamped tightly around his cock was gone and he looked down at John Paul with a hint of disappointment.

John Paul smiled up at Craig's flushed face, his eyes were dark with lust and the sight of them made John Paul's cock throb heavily.

Getting to his feet John Paul kissed Craig's lips softly, the scent of Craig's groin rich on his skin and the taste of Craig's cock still lingering in his mouth.

"Come on," John Paul whispered as he guided Craig to the bed.

Lying face down on the ever so familiar blue starred duvet cover Craig listened in anticipation as John Paul's jeans were dropped to the floor. The bed creaked as John Paul climbed between Craig's legs, running his hands over the man's smooth broad back, over his buttocks and down his thighs.

Craig felt a small breath of warm air blow between his buttocks as John Paul's firm grip eased them apart, revealing the small puckered entrance buried deep inside. Craig breathed heavily as John Paul ran his fingers over Craig's tight opening and then cried out, pushing his face into the pillows to muffle his voice, as John Paul's tongue plunged into him.

John Paul's earlier nerves had long since been replaced by an all-consuming desire and, as he licked deeply between Craig's buttocks he knew that nothing could ever feel as good as being like this with Craig.

"Oh god John Paul that's… that's…god…" Craig couldn't find the words to describe the incredible sensation as the tip of John Paul's tongue worked gently but firmly against his anus, easing it open and making it pulse with anticipation. He yelped with surprise as a finger pushed softly where a moment earlier a tongue had rested and John Paul hesitated with worry that he was going to far, too fast.

"Don't stop," Craig urged at John Paul's hesitation, "Please John Paul… don't stop…" Raising himself up onto all fours Craig pushed back against John Paul's hand until the finger pressing against him sank deeply into the heat of his body.

Craig could hardly think as John Paul's finger moved slowly in and out of him, his body relaxing and welcoming the intruder as if he had been waiting all his life for it. After a few minutes John Paul eased a second finger alongside the first, feeling Craig's flesh stretch to his demands, watching with erotic fascination as his fingers disappeared deep inside that gorgeous body.

"Craig I… I want… I want to make love to you." John Paul's voice trembled as his heavily throbbing cock rested lightly against Craig's soft buttocks.

"Do it…" Craig urged, "I want you inside me… I want to know how that feels… god John Paul just do it…"

Spitting on his palm John Paul coated his cock with saliva before guiding it gently against Craig's relaxed opening. His hands shook and his heart was pounding as he pushed slowly into Craig's hot flesh.

Craig tensed slightly as the fullness of John Paul's thick cock slid into him, stretching him much further than his fingers had managed and a sudden burning pain made him uncertain if this was what he wanted. But before he could voice his doubts an overwhelming rush of pleasure replaced the discomfort and all doubts were instantly forgotten.

John Paul moaned loudly as his cock sank deeply into Craig, the hot tight flesh gripping onto him as he drove himself fully into the man, gasping and panting as his balls came to rest against Craig's body.

"My god Craig… you feel incredible…"

Gripping Craig's hips for support John Paul slowly began to move himself in and out of the gripping yielding passage that felt beyond perfect. Once he had settled into a steady rhythm John Paul reached for Craig's still hard cock and stroked it in time to his thrusts, the speed and force of hips and hand rapidly increasing as the men moaned and panted their chorus of lust, the desire ready to pour forth from them both at any second.

Craig's cock throbbed heavily and his balls pulsed with need, his climax stampeding towards him and a death defying speed and, just when he thought his body had reached the pinnacle of physical pleasure, John Paul's cock hit a spot deep inside him that had never been found before and his body succumbed to the total unashamed joy that it felt.

Craig gasped and moaned as his body shook and spasmed and his cock poured out hotly a climax of such power that he felt certain he saw stars and almost forgot how to breathe.

John Paul pressed his mouth against Craig's back as the man's body contracted around his cock, the sounds of Craig's orgasm sending John Paul careering over the edge, thrusting his cock deep into the hot tempting flesh hard and fast until his own satisfaction exploded from his body and pulsed deeply into Craig's.

Seemingly in one motion the men fell heavily against the bed. Both of them physically satisfied and emotionally exhausted.

"Fucking hell!" Craig exclaimed with a soft giggle as John Paul shuffled to his side. "I had no idea… wow…"

John Paul cupped Craig's face in his hands and peppered it with feather light kisses, covering his lips, eyes and nose, pressing against his cheeks before returning to his lips again.

As John Paul pulled back from the kisses Craig could see the man's soft blue eyes sparkling with what appeared to be unshed tears.

"John Paul what's wrong?" Craig asked; his heart ached at the pain he could see in his dearest friends eyes.

"I love you," John Paul said sadly, "And just when maybe… I love you… and now I have to let you go…"

Pushing back the duvet from underneath them Craig wriggled until he could pull it back up to cover their quickly cooling bodies before pulling John Paul into his arms.

"I'm only going to Dublin," Craig said kissing the top of John Paul's head affectionately as it rested against his chest. "It's not Mars… and I will be coming home… a lot…"

"You promise?"

"I promise… especially now that I know what I've got to come home for!"

It was 5.30 in the morning when the two men finally allowed the need for sleep to come and claim them. They had held each other tightly after making love and whispered promises of being together into the dark. Neither of them mentioned Sarah. It was as if she didn't exist. As if Craig wasn't due to leave the country with her in a few hours time. If they didn't say it out loud then maybe it wouldn't be real.

---


	3. Chapter 3

"John Paul have you seen Craig? Apparently he's not at the Dog and he's supposed to be leaving with Sarah in a couple of hours… he didn't stay here did he?"

It never crossed Carmel's mind to knock on her brother's bedroom door before entering. Sarah had called around looked for her errant boyfriend and it seemed a logical assumption that John Paul would know where he was as they had spent the evening saying their (probably drunken) farewells.

What Carmel hadn't expected was to find John Paul wrapped snugly in the arms of his friend and looking as if he had lain there all night.

John Paul's eyes flickered open as Carmel's voice filtered into his foggy brain. What was that about Craig? Craig and Sarah? Craig… the same Craig that was currently lying in his bed.

Consciousness hit John Paul's mind like a speeding train and he sat bolt upright, his wide blue eyes staring at his sister who was looking back at him with complete shock.

"John Paul…?" Carmel was sure she should have questions at this moment but for the life of her she couldn't think of them. "I guess that's a yes for knowing where Craig is then!"

The voices, and lack of John Paul's body warm against his, dragged a reluctant Craig from his sleep, the sleepy expression fading from his face as the realisation of the situation hit him.

"Jesus John Paul is he here or not?" Carmel attempted to prevent Sarah from walking into the bedroom but her reactions were too slow and without warning the dark haired girl was standing in the middle of the room trying to comprehend the scene before her.

Sarah's initial reaction was to laugh. The images of Craig, to drunk to even make his way home, filled her mind as she pictured him falling semi-comatosed onto poor John Paul's bed. But there was something about that theory that didn't quite hold up to close scrutiny.

As the two men sat up in the bed the duvet had fallen from them, revealing them both to be stripped to the waist, and something told Sarah that their nakedness continued beneath the hidden security of the bed covers. But it was the look on Craig's face that really worried her. What was it? Shame? Guilt? Definitely guilt and Sarah swallowed hard as she tried to comprehend what Craig had to feel guilty about.

"What's going on?" Sarah asked in a low level tone. She knew what it looked like but that couldn't be the case. If it was how it appeared then that would mean… No, it couldn't be what it looked like.

"Sarah it's not…" Craig hesitated. What was he going to say? It's not how it looks? It's not what you think? He was sat naked in his best friends bed, his equally naked best friend, how could he claim that it wasn't how it looked when it truth it was probably worse than it looked.

"Sarah let me explain," Craig tried again, instantly regretting the offer, as he had no idea how to explain something he didn't even understand himself.

"Go on then," Sarah replied bitterly, "Explain to me why you're in bed with John Paul, explain to my why you both look like you've been caught doing something you shouldn't… come on Craig… explain that…"

"I can't," Craig admitted quietly.

"I'm sorry Sarah," John Paul said gently. The last thing he had wanted to do was hurt Sarah but if he was being truthful her feelings hadn't crossed his mind as he held Craig close.

"Don't you even talk to me," Sarah spat at the blonde man next to her boyfriend.

Craig looked back and forward between what he suddenly realised were his two lovers.

Sarah, the beautiful model who he had adored from afar and never dreamed he would win. The woman he felt so proud to be seen with. The woman he loved.

John Paul, his best friend who had always been there when he needed him. The man he could trust with his life. The man he… Craig's thought process stumbled. What did he feel for John Paul McQueen? What was it that led him to the younger man's bed in the early hours of the morning?

Sarah's eyes were dark and glowered at Craig as he looked at her. There was an understandable bitterness and anger in her stare and the look made Craig flinch as if he'd been struck.

Turning to John Paul he saw the gentle blue eyes looking at him. In those eyes he saw love, pure and simple. There was no doubt, no regret, just the love that John Paul had kept hidden for so long and, as he continued to look Craig realised that he didn't ever want to stop seeing that love, not if he could help it.

"Look we need to talk," Craig said calmly, "All of us… just… meet us downstairs in a minute yeah? Please Sarah, we need to sort this out."

"Too right we do," Sarah snapped as she turned from the room, "And you'd better have something to say that I want to hear or you'll be going to Dublin on your own!"

Craig knew that Sarah meant the words as a threat but a part of him clung to them as a promise, as a way of escape.

---

"Sorry," John Paul said as he slipped his bare legs from the bed and pulled on his jeans, "I never meant for any of this to happen…"

"I know," Craig replied as he pulled on his own clothing, "But I don't suppose we can… do what we did last night… and not expect any repercussions."

"Do you…" John Paul stopped and turned to face Craig. He looked so gorgeous, his hair ruffled from just getting out of bed, his chest smooth and bare as he drew his shirt closed around it. John Paul knew without a moments doubt that the love he felt for this man was greater than any he had ever known, could ever know, and what ever happened he would never be sorry for how he felt at that moment.

"What?"

"Do you regret… what we did?"

"Honestly?"

"Course…"

Craig sat on the edge of the bed with a sigh. In the space of a single night his world had been turned on its head and he was still racing to catch up with it.

"Honestly," Craig repeated, "I don't know what I feel…"

"OK." It wasn't the answer that John Paul had hoped for but neither was it the one he had feared.

"No," Craig said suddenly getting to his feet and walking to the door.

"No what?"

Standing in the open door way Craig reached for John Paul's hands, squeezing them gently he pulled the man close to him for a moment.

"No I don't regret it," Craig said quietly as he brushed a small kiss over John Paul's lips. "I don't know where we all go from here… but I don't regret it… How can I regret something that felt that… that right… that perfect?"

John Paul couldn't keep the wide smile from his face and he reluctantly relinquished his hold of Craig's hands and the man turned and they both made their way down the stairs to face the inquisition waiting for them.

---

Sarah was sat at the kitchen table cradling a hot drink when the two men entered the room, all eyes instantly turned to them and John Paul felt more exposed and vulnerable than he had ever felt in his life, but at the same time every instinct urged him to protect Craig. Just like he had so many times before John Paul wanted to protect the man he adored but this time he wasn't sure how to accomplish that.

"John Paul what's going on?" Myra's voice sounded strained and John Paul could only imagine what Sarah had told her before he arrived.

John Paul sighed. "It's complicated mum… why don't we all just sit down…"

"Just tell me one thing son… are you…" Myra looked at her beautiful boy, her baby, her only son and couldn't quite get the word out.

Seeing the struggle in his mother's eyes tore at John Paul's heart but he'd hidden the truth from everyone for long enough and he couldn't do it any more. Taking hold of his mother's hands he looked at her closely. Never in his life had he ever been given reason to doubt her love and her support and he silently prayed that today wouldn't be any different.

"Yes mum," he said quietly, "I'm gay." The relief John Paul felt was instant as the pressure of so many years of lies lifted from him.

"John Paul love… you can't be gay," Carmel said patting his shoulder affectionately.

"Why's that Carm?" John Paul asked as he turned to face his sister.

"You had a girlfriend." John Paul couldn't hold back the smile. Carmel was beautiful, everyone who ever looked at her knew that, but what many people mistook for stupidity John Paul knew was actually an innocence, a desire to think the best of people and a gentleness that many people couldn't understand.

"I did Carm," John Paul replied, "And I was miserable… every second that I was with her… that's not what I want Carm…"

"No, MY BOYFRIEND is what he wants." Sarah's voice was harsh and pulled John Paul from the comfort of his families love. "And judging by what we saw this morning you got what you wanted didn't you John Paul?"

John Paul looked around at his family, his friends and the man he loved. So much hurt, so much disappointment and yet he couldn't regret what he had done because he couldn't regret how he felt.

"I'm sorry… really I am… Mum… Sarah… I never meant to hurt anyone but I…" John Paul took a moment to look at Craig. His deep chocolate eyes were so wide and so gentle as John Paul remembered the way the had looked at him as they lay in each other's arms, fighting back the sleep so that they could hold on to that precious moment for as long as possible. "I love him… I'm in love with Craig."

Sarah spat out a bitter laugh at John Paul's declaration. "You've been very quiet Craig," she snarled, "Isn't your turn to announce your love for that… that… poof."

"Don't Sarah." Craig sank onto a seat next to his girlfriend and with a sigh he wiped the mascara coloured tears from her cheeks. "Don't call him that."

"What," Sarah slapped Craig's hands away, "So now you're defending him…"

"He hasn't done anything wrong," Craig said trying to hold onto Sarah's hands.

"Hasn't done anything wrong?" Sarah gasped incredulously, "He's slept with MY boyfriend… I can't deal with this now… come on we can talk about it later…"

Sarah got to her feet and looked down on Craig with expectation.

"Well?" She asked.

"Sarah what are you doing?"

"We don't have long… we've gotta be at the airport in an hour."

"Sarah," Craig grabbed a tight hold of his girlfriend's hands as he rose to his feet, his eyes were heavy with sadness and he spoke in a gentle tone. "Sarah we can't go to Dublin together… not now…"

"Of course we can," Sarah replied calmly, "I understand Craig, you were drunk and he… he led you on… confused you… it doesn't matter… once we're away from here and it's just the two of us everything will be fine again." Sarah looked at her boyfriend with desperation, forcing herself to forget how he looked in bed with John Paul, they were going to Dublin together and they were going to be happy. It was all planned and she couldn't stand the thought of giving up on her dream of escape.

"I'm sorry Sarah," Craig said dropping her hands and stepping back. "It won't be fine… it wasn't fine… John Paul didn't force me into his bed… he didn't seduce me… I did it because…" Craig turned to look at the kindest, gentlest and most loving man he had ever known and he couldn't hold back his smile. "I did it because… because I wanted to… I wanted him… I wish it hadn't happened like this…"

"Craig… you're not… you're not gay…"

"I don't know what I am but…"

Turning his face back to Sarah the rest of Craig's words were lost as her hand collided with his face. The slap rang around the room as everyone held their breath. John Paul took an involuntary step forward before Myra's hand on his arm restrained him.

"I suppose I deserved that," Craig said touching his hand to his stinging face.

"You suppose?" Sarah felt her rage rise as she watched her hopes and dreams for the future crumble around her. "You make me sick." Sarah's hand crashed into Craig's face again. "You disgust me." Sarah's fist connected with Craig's nose and a fountain of blood quickly poured down his chin. "You're nothing but a filthy disgusting queer…" Craig raised his hands to cover his face but he made no effort to end the blows that rained down on him.

"Sarah stop it." Without another seconds hesitation John Paul's hands grabbed at Sarah's arms, pulling the woman back as she struggled to hit out at Craig again. "Stop it, you're hurting him…"

"Hurting HIM? What the hell d'you think he's done to ME?"

With a strength belying her size Sarah wrenched her arms from John Paul's hold and spun to face him. Her eyes glowed with pure hate and John Paul flinched under her gaze.

"This is all your fault," Sarah hissed at him, "And I'm gonna make sure everybody knows just what you are…"

Grabbing her coat from the sofa as she passed Sarah raced from the McQueen house as fresh tears fell from her eyes.

As soon as she had gone all thoughts of Sarah disappeared from John Paul's mind as he rushed to Craig's side.

"Are you OK?" John Paul asked worriedly.

"It could have been worse!" Craig replied with a half smile that made him wince as he cradled his bloodied nose.

"Here." Myra handed Craig a kitchen roll, which he used to mop up the worst of the blood from his face.

Myra looked at her son with sadness. She had always thought that she knew her children. She always thought that she understood them. But this? This was something she hadn't been prepared for and, as she watched John Paul fussing over Craig, wiping away the blood from his nose, she couldn't help but wonder if she really knew him at all. She couldn't help but wonder what other secrets her children had been keeping from her.

Feeling his mother's gaze John Paul lifted his face to her and the look in her eyes made him want to weep.

"I'm sorry mum," he said quietly.

"Why John Paul?"

"I love him, mum."

"That poor girl loves him… and you've just ruined her life…"

"It's not John Paul's fault Mrs McQueen," Craig said, "Things between me and Sarah… it was never gonna work."

"Then maybe you should have told her that before offering to take her to Dublin with you."

"I should… you're right," Craig sighed and rested his bruised face in his hands, "I've made a mess of everything…"

"It'll be OK," John Paul promised as he stroked Craig's back, "It'll all be OK."

"Will it?" Craig's eyes shone with tears as he looked up at John Paul. "How long d'you think it's gonna be before Sarah tells everyone… before she tells my family?"

"Craig does it matter… does it matter who tells them?"

"Of course it matters," Craig shook his head, how could John Paul not understand how much it mattered? "She's gonna tell my mum… and Jack… and Jake… oh god Jake… she's gonna tell them I'm gay…"

"But Craig…"

"No!" Craig got to his feet with new found determination. "I've got to stop her… I can't let her do it John Paul…"

"Craig… you'd have to tell them eventually…" John Paul reasoned gently.

"No I don't… there's nothing to tell," Craig held John Paul's shoulders for a second, his rich brown eyes looking so deeply into the soft blue of John Paul's that for a moment they both forgot themselves.

"There's nothing to tell," Craig repeated as he released his hold of his best friend. "I'm not gay."

---

Craig knew he was too late the second he walked into the Dog. Sarah was sat at a table near the bar, glass of wine in one hand and Frankie's sympathetic hold in the other. Jake was serving behind the bar and the second he spotted his younger brother a look of disgust crossed his face that seemed to glue Craig to the spot. He couldn't seem to approach or retreat. He felt gripped with an uncertainty and fear that refused to release him.

"Jake..?" Craig's voice came out in a small pitiful whisper and his brother shook his head.

"I don't know you," Jake replied as he turned his back on the boy he had watched grow from a baby into a man, a man that he no longer understood.

"Mum?" Craig turned his eyes to his mother, meeting a pained expression in her gaze that made him want to run away and hide.

"Oh Craig." Frankie shook her head in disappointment as Sarah got to her feet, a look of triumph sparkled in Sarah's eyes.

"Too late Craig," she said with a dark grin, "I've told them everything… every sickening little detail…"

"Why Sarah," Craig asked in dismay, "Why did you have to do this?"

"You ruined my life," Sarah snapped as she pushed past him, deliberately crashing her shoulder into his side, "I was just repaying the favour… enjoy Dublin… I'm sure you'll find a few boys there you can take to bed…"

Craig didn't watch as Sarah walked away, his attention was fixed on the figure of his mother still seated at the table. He desperately wanted, needed, to talk to her but he was terrified of the reception he would get and that fear kept him from taking a single step towards her.

"I don't understand," Frankie said quietly as she looked into the face of her youngest son, noticing for the first time his bruised and reddened skin. "You're hurt… what happened?"

Craig raised his hand to his face. "It's nothing," he said dismissively, "Mum… what Sarah said…"

"Is it true?"

"What did she tell you?"

"That she found you in bed… with John Paul… tell me she's lying Craig and we won't mention it again."

Craig took a few tentative steps forward, stopping when he was close enough to his mother that he could touch his hand to her shoulder.

"I can't," he said quietly, "I'm sorry…"

"Then tell me something Craig… cause right now I don't understand…"

"Neither do I," Craig said with a small sob as he crouched down beside his mother. In an instinctive act Frankie wrapped her arms around her youngest child and pulled him close. She didn't understand a word that had been said in the last few minutes but her son was hurting and that in turn hurt her.

"What's happened Craig?" Frankie asked as she smoothed the young man's hair gently. "Yesterday you were all set for going to Dublin with Sarah… and now this… it doesn't make any sense… what changed in one night?"

Craig rested his head on his mother's lap, basking in the warmth of her gentle voice and soothing touch as he tried to explain to her the events he didn't fully understand himself.

"John Paul told me he was in love with me," Craig began slowly.

"What did you say?"

"I… I lost it… told him I didn't want to hear it… told him to get out…"

"And then?"

"He went… and I felt… wrong… I didn't want to fight with him… didn't want him to think I hated him so I followed him back to the McQueen's… and we talked… for ages… he told me how he felt… how he'd been feeling for so long… and then he told me about this bloke he'd met… he'd slept with… and I felt… it was like I was…"

"What is it Craig?"

"Mum, I," Craig raised his head and turned his tear filled eyes to Frankie. "I was jealous… I didn't understand but when he told me I couldn't stand it… and then…" Craig's voice faltered uncertain if he should carry on and unsure if he could stop. "Then he kissed me… or I kissed him… I don't know… but it felt… mum if felt right and I couldn't stop it… I didn't want to stop it… but now… now everything's such a mess and I'm going to Dublin and there's no time to fix this and I don't know what to do mum… what am I gonna do?"

"Craig I love you," Frankie cupped her son's face gently in her hands as she spoke, "Whatever you are, whatever you do nothing is ever going to change that… you're my son… my baby boy… but I need to know Craig, I need you to tell me the truth… are you gay?"

"Mum I…" Craig chewed on his lip, his eyes reflecting the inner turmoil that rolled through his chest. "I don't know… I really don't know… I've never felt this… felt anything for another bloke before… but John Paul he's… he's different… I can't explain… but I can't… I can't lose him…"

"Do you love him?"

"I… maybe… I'm not sure… yeah… yeah I think perhaps I do…"

"Well I don't think it's me you should be telling that to is it?" As she spoke Frankie directed her gaze towards the door and, as Craig followed her line of vision, he saw John Paul standing nervously in the doorway.

Struggling to his feet Craig stood uncertainly, every emotion in his body fought against each other as what he wanted and what he thought he should want did battle inside his chest.

"We don't need your sort around here," Jake snarled as he walked around the bar and glared at the blonde man standing at the door.

"Jake stop it," Frankie told him, taking hold of her eldest son's arm.

"You can't want him here… not when you know what he's done… what they've done…"

"Jake I won't tell you again… get back behind the bar and leave them alone…"

"But mum, it's sick… they're sick…" Jake's eyes glowed with ill concealed hatred as he looked between John Paul and Craig unable to decide who he detested the most.

"That's your brother you're talking about," Frankie snapped angrily.

"He's no brother of mine. He should be ashamed of himself…"

A hard sound rang around the bar as Frankie's palm collided with the side of Jake's face, sending the man stumbling back in shock.

"Get out of my sight Jake," Frankie told him. "If anyone should be ashamed around here it's you."

Craig flashed his mother a look of regret and gratitude as Jake slinked back behind the bar muttering to himself under his breath.

"Sort things out with John Paul," Frankie said squeezing her son's hand gently, "Your taxi's due in half an hour… make the most of the time you've still got."

"Thanks mum," Craig replied, his words barely able to reflect the intense love and appreciation he felt for his mother at that moment.

With slow nervous steps Craig made his way towards the door, stopping when he was a few feet from the gentle blue-eyed boy that had turned his world upside down.

"I'm sorry," Craig said quietly, "Can we talk?"

---

"Do you hate me?" Craig asked as he directed John Paul to a corner table.

"Why would I hate you?" John Paul replied as he took his seat.

"For running out like that… for what I said… I dunno… for being an idiot."

"You've always been an idiot Craig," John Paul said with a laugh, "It's never made me hate you before!"

Craig smiled, how was it that just looking at John Paul made everything seem that bit easier?

"I don't know what to say," Craig breathed with a heavy sigh, "These last few hours… everything… us… my head's still spinning with it all... what do we do John Paul? What happens now?"

"I'm sorry," John Paul looked at the tears still shining in Craig's eyes and felt the sharp pain of the other man's hurt. "I should have kept my mouth shut shouldn't I? I should have let you go to Dublin with Sarah and be happy…"

"No," Craig argued, "I'm glad you told me… me and Sarah – it was never gonna last… what we have… had… it was so fake… I think I wanted what she was… the beautiful sexy model… not the person… and that wasn't fair… I never would have been happy in Dublin with Sarah – and neither would she… you did us a favour."

"I doubt Sarah sees it that way."

"Maybe not… but it's true…" Craig looked at his watch. The time was racing by too fast; he needed longer, much longer. "God John Paul, why did you have to wait until last night? Why couldn't you have said something sooner… when we had more time?"

John Paul shrugged. "I was scared of losing what we had… I couldn't stand the idea of my best mate looking at me with disgust… I was scared to admit what I felt in case it made you hate me."

"I couldn't hate you."

"You weren't best pleased!"

"It was the shock… that's all… and it made me face up to…"

"What?"

Craig's cheeks flushed as he looked down at the tabletop and watched his fingers twisting together nervously.

"I… no I can't say…"

"Oh come on Craig… you have to tell me now…"

"It's just I…" Craig lifted his gaze to meet the soft blue stare of John Paul's eyes and he felt safe. He could share his heart with this man and know it was protected. "I had a dream about you…"

"Oh yeah?" John Paul said with a chuckle, "When?"

"Dunno, couple of weeks ago maybe…"

"So… tell me about it…"

"Well I… we were in my room, playing some video game… and I won…"

"Obviously a dream then!"

"And I was… you know celebrating my victory when… you kissed me. Just like that out of the blue…"

"And what happened."

"It was like you were kissing me and then the next second you had me pinned down on the bed, my arms up above my head and I could feel the full weight of your body on top of me…"

John Paul took a deep breath as the image filled his mind. "And what did you do?"

"I kissed you back… and then we were naked… I mean we never moved but we were starkers and you were still on top of me and I didn't want you to go…"

"And?"

"That was it… I woke up…"

"Shame."

"But every time I thought about it since… the very idea would turn me on… and I thought, if you knew, you'd be appalled… and then you said that you loved me and it was like… it was like you'd got inside my head or something and I couldn't handle it… it was too much… in some ways it still is…"

The two men looked at each other in silence. Less than 24 hours ago they were nothing more that best friends but they both knew that that had changed the instant their lips met. The only problem was neither of them knew what to do next.

"Craig why did you…" John Paul hesitated.

"What?"

"When you walked out before… why did you say you weren't gay… why was it such a big deal that people found out."

"You saw the way Jake was… and he won't be the only one… and to be honest John Paul, I don't know what I am anymore… if I look around this room now I notice the pretty girls… the blokes don't even register… I still fancy girls… and you… oh I just don't know." With a defeated sigh Craig rested his heavy head in his hand.

"I'm sorry Craig," Frankie's voice cut into his confusion, "but your taxi's here love."

Craig lifted his head to see his mother holding his suitcase and tickets. Placing the tickets on the table Frankie ran her hand over the top of her son's head. "I'll ask him to wait a minute."

"Thanks mum."

Craig winced as he looked at the tickets, two tickets. Picking up the one in the name of Sarah Barnes Craig sighed. "Won't be needing this! I wish I didn't have to go…"

"So do I… but you do… you're gonna go and make us all proud of you."

"I need more time… WE need more time…" Craig's eyes widened. "Come to the airport with me… please… there's still more we need to talk about…"

"Yeah," John Paul's face broke into an uncertain smile. "Yeah, yeah OK…"

---

"Typical!" Craig threw his arms in the air with an exasperated sigh. "They insist you get here early and then that!"

"Craig relax." John Paul said eyeing the departures board with a grin.

"But delayed though… how typical is that… story of my bloody life."

"Craig, being delayed is a good thing…"

"And how d'you figure that? I mean god I rush to get here when I was supposed to and…"

"Craig!" John Paul snapped the name and his dark haired companion stopped his ranting long enough to turn and look at his friend. "For a start," John Paul reasoned, "The longer you're here the more time we have to talk… OK!"

"I wasn't thinking," Craig replied with a sheepish grin, "I just hate being delayed."

"Never would have guessed! Come on," John Paul gestured to one side, "Why don't we get a coffee?"

---

"Here we are then." Craig fiddled aimlessly with his oversized paper cup of scalding hot coffee suddenly aware that he was facing his last minutes in John Paul's company and he still had no idea what he wanted, how he felt or even to some degree who he was.

"Here we are… so… you looking forward to Dublin?"

"Yeah… I guess… only…"

"Only?"

Looking into John Paul's face Craig smiled. He had a sudden urge to lean over the table and kiss the man but the crowded coffee shop made him hesitate as his desire was lost amidst his fear.

"I didn't expect… everything else…" Craig said with a shrug.

"Nor did I if I'm honest," John Paul admitted, "When I told you I thought at worst you'd freak out and hate me… but at best… at best I expected you to be sympathetic… understanding… not…"

"Interested?"

"Exactly."

"Took us both by surprise then."

"Certainly did… but I'm glad… whatever else happens, I wouldn't change last night for the world."

"Really?" Craig's fingertips rested on the tabletop only inches from John Paul's and they felt on fire as Craig fought the urge to extend his arm that extra distance.

"Really," John Paul confirmed. "I've been living that lie for so long… it's a relief to…" John Paul giggled slightly, "To get it out!"

"I wish we had more time," Craig sighed for what felt like the hundredth time.

"We've got more time than we expected," John Paul said with a smile that grew wider as his eyes began to sparkle. "Craig…?"

"Yeah."

Leaning over the table John Paul whispered in a conspiratorial tone. "Tell me about that dream again."

"What here… the place is crowded," Craig whispered back with a grin.

"Well…" John Paul's hand covered Craig's and the heat of the touch made the older man tremble slightly. "I'm sure we could find somewhere a bit more private to talk about it!"

Craig's chair nearly fell back as he jumped to his feet, making John Paul laugh out loud.

---

"So tell me how that dream went again," John Paul breathed quietly.

Craig's face felt flushed, he could have put it down to the laughter of a few minutes earlier as they raced through the airport but he knew in truth his increased temperature was due to the closeness of John Paul.

There was something a bit clichéd about the toilets but they both knew it was the only place they could be guaranteed some privacy and now, with the cubical door locked firmly behind them they felt completely alone, the outside world had ceased to exist, at least for a while.

Craig shifted to the side as the door lock pressed into his back. The small size of the cubical gave little room for manoeuvre and it had taken some effort to position Craig's suitcase on the closed toilet lid as they squeezed in together.

"Well we were lying down for a start!" Craig giggled.

"Hmm can't manage that… we'll have to improvise!"

"And you had my arms pinned above my head." Craig's giggles died as John Paul ran his hands along the length of Craig's arms before raising them above his head and holding them firmly in position.

"Like this?" John Paul asked as he moved forward slightly.

"Yeah, just like that… and the weight of your whole body was on me…" Craig's voice seemed to shake as he spoke. The previous night had been amazing, unforgettable and yet there had been that gentle haze of alcohol combined with the "I was drunk" excuse if he should ever want to deny what he had done. But this was different; each of Craig's senses seemed heightened as John Paul's weight pressed against him. He could feel every curve of the man's body and he could taste the sweet heat of John Paul's breath as he spoke. There would be no denying how much he wanted this now, how much he wanted to taste that mouth that was tantalisingly close or how much he wanted to experience the perfect pleasure that John Paul had shown him.

"And then what?" John Paul asked, with his mouth so close to Craig's that the vibrations of his words seemed to brush over Craig's lips.

"You kissed me…"

John Paul's lips were the softest things Craig had ever felt as they touched feather light against his mouth, gently teasing him and making him want more.

"And I think you kissed me back," John Paul breathed into Craig's open mouth.

John Paul's head felt light with exhilarating joy. Making love to Craig the previous night had been all of his dreams come true, but a part of him had expected the morning regrets and the claims that "it was the drink." Hearing Craig say that he didn't regret what they had shared had been music to John Paul's ears but now, their bodies pressed tightly together, so close that they could feel each other's arousal, here in the cold light of day it felt so much more real and John Paul knew without a doubt that the love he felt was total and all consuming.

Craig's head moved forward as he pushed his mouth hard against John Paul's lips, the tips of their tongues touching as their kiss deepened and their excitement grew.

"What happened next?" John Paul asked with his lips barely leaving Craig's.

"I don't know," Craig whimpered sadly, "That's when I woke up… well apart from the being naked bit… but I don't think that's very practical here!"

John Paul took a step back, his eyes flashing with desire and mischief and one hand still firmly holding Craig's hands above his head.

"Guess we'll have to make it up from here then…"

Letting his gaze travel the length of Craig's body John Paul let his eyes devour the man's image, burning it deeply into his brain so that he might never forget one exquisite inch. He'd dreamed about touching Craig so often over the past months. Fantasised about touching him and holding him. Imagined the taste of his skin as he ran his tongue over every inch of that beautiful body. John Paul wanted nothing more than to take Craig gently in his arms and make love to him slowly, making every second last an hour and making their time together last forever. But as much as John Paul wanted to force time to stand still he knew that time was the very thing pushing against them, the one thing they had no control over and each second that ticked by brought Craig's departure that bit closer.

Running one hand over Craig's firm thigh John Paul watched Craig's eyes widen and his pupils dilate the closer that hand got to his groin. Knowing that he could make Craig look like that, make Craig want him like that was the greatest aphrodisiac John Paul had ever known and the small sighs of pleasure as John Paul's palm pressed against Craig's growing erection were the sweetest sound John Paul had ever heard.

"You're so gorgeous," John Paul whispered in awe, "I want you to know that… god just looking at you… being around you… I've been the happiest I've even been in my life since I met you…"

"You've turned my life around John Paul McQueen… before you… I don't even know who I was before you…"

John Paul's mouth fell against Craig's with urgency, his eyes pricked with tears and his heart beat out the strength of his love. Craig moaned softly as John Paul's warm hand slipped inside his trousers, wrapping tightly around the firmness of his cock and quickly freeing it to the cool air.

Craig felt the urge to mirror John Paul's actions but his hands were still pinned high above his head and John Paul showed no signs of wanting to let him go.

"I wish we had more time," John Paul sad sadly, "I wish I could make love to you the way you deserve…"

Craig tried to reply but his words were lost as John Paul's grip on his cock tightened, his fingers stroking firmly over its length making Craig bite down on his lower lip to prevent crying out too loudly.

For a moment Craig's cock went cold as John Paul's hand released it and Craig's eyes were drawn downwards at the sound of John Paul's zip being lowered. Quickly freeing his own eager erection John Paul opened his hand to accommodate both cocks, pushing them together as both men watched with fascination.

Craig held his breath as John Paul's hand pushed the firmness of his own cock against Craig's, stroking over the length of both of them, harder and faster with each passing second until both men were breathing heavily.

"I wanna make you come," John Paul said in a voice low and heavy with lust, "I wanna see you come… hear you moan cause I'm touching you… I wanna remember how you look right now for the rest of my life…"

Craig swallowed hard as he lifted his eyes to meet John Paul's. The soft blue was almost gone, consumed by the darkness of John Paul's desire and the look, combined with John Paul's insistent touch and arousing words were enough to make Craig's legs begin to tremble.

"God John Paul…" Craig fingers curled tightly into fists above his head, his nails digging into his palms as his excitement grew.

John Paul watched breathlessly as Craig's cheeks grew pink, masking the earlier bruising as if it had never happened, drinking in the sight of Craig's wide eyed stare, his chocolate eyes sparkling as his body began to shake.

Craig's eyes fell back to John Paul's hand and the two cocks trapped inside it, their heads glistening with precum as they throbbed and pulsed together. He could feel his climax rising up, seemingly coming right from his toes and charging through every atom of his body. He could also feel the heavy throbbing of John Paul's cock tight against his and he knew that the younger man's release was coming close.

"Oh God Craig… I don't think I can hold on any longer…" John Paul's body vibrated with the urgent pulsing of his cock. Feeling Craig's erection pressed tightly against his, knowing that it would soon spill over him was an unbearable delight as he desperately fought to make the moment last that bit longer.

"Oh god yes… now… oh god…" Craig gave in to the touch of John Paul's hand and cock as he let his climax tear through him. He watched breathlessly as he came, his white heat covering the head of John Paul's cock until, only seconds later, the blonde man was moaning his own orgasm and their climaxes mingled together, blending them into one inseparable pleasure.

"So d'you reckon the dream might have gone something like that?" John Paul asked as he regained his breath and released Craig's hands from their hold.

"I dunno… but I think it will in the future," Craig replied as he slipped his arms around John Paul's waist and pulled the man in close so that he could taste those lips one last time.

---

"John Paul there's no more time… I don't know what to do… what do we do now?" Craig's eyes were filled with confusion as he begged John Paul for the answers the man couldn't give him. The delayed flight was now ready for boarding and the two men had only minutes to say everything that they wanted to. Craig's only problem was… he still didn't know what he wanted to say.

The last few hours with John Paul had changed his life but he didn't know what that meant and he had no more time to find out.

"Craig…" John Paul took a deep breath. He'd known this moment would come the second he got into the taxi, just as he'd known what he had to say. "Craig Dean…" John Paul shook his head with a soft amused laugh. "I love you… I am in love with you and it feels wonderful… now get on that plane and go to Dublin…"

"What…?"

"Craig I've had months to come to terms with what I feel… what I want… you've had hours and I'm not gonna stand here now and ask you to make promises you can't know that you'll want to keep… so go to Dublin… drink… party… maybe even study occasionally… go and be a student… do what it is that students do…"

Both men looked at each other and they both knew what John Paul meant. As much as he loved Craig he couldn't hold the man to choices made in the heat of passion. He had to let Craig go and discover who he was, what he wanted, and if that meant sleeping with half the female population of Trinity then so be it. Craig had to know and John Paul had to let him find out.

"And then what?" Craig asked quietly.

"That's up to you… if you decide that last night… and today… if you decide it was a mistake… if you don't want it… don't want me… then I understand… and when you come home your best mate will still be here… that won't change Craig… I promise you."

"And if that's not what I decide?"

"Well if I get really lucky and you decide that you do want me… us… then I'll be here and I'll be waiting… you're all I've ever wanted Craig and I hope and pray that you won't come to regret what we've done… but whatever happens I'll always cherish the time we spent together…"

Craig's eyes filled with tears. He wanted to be certain about what he felt but John Paul was right, it was too soon, he needed time to fully understand the strange wonderful confusing exhilarating turmoil that raged through his chest and made his head spin.

The final boarding call echoed through the airport and Craig looked towards the gates with panic.

"Go on Craig," John Paul said with a smile that only partly hid the pain he felt at knowing soon Craig would be so far away. "Go to Dublin and become a genius!"

"Hey… what d'you mean become? I already AM a genius!"

"Course you are," John Paul laughed, "That's why you had to re-sit you're A levels!"

"It wasn't cause I failed… I just didn't get the grades…" Craig's words faded and were replaced by a soft laugh as both men remembered those words from their first conversation so many months ago. Back when life was simple – but not half as enjoyable. "Not complaining that I stayed in Hollyoaks another year are you?"

"No," John Paul replied simply, "I'll always be grateful for your lousy grades!"

Craig took a step towards his friend and then stopped. He wanted nothing more than to pull him close, to kiss him and tell him that whatever happened he would always remember. He wanted to. But he couldn't. The airport was crowded and Craig felt exposed. He couldn't let those people see, let them judge him and he couldn't do the one thing he wanted to more than anything because of his own deep seated fears.

"I'm sorry… I…" Craig half raised his hand but he couldn't make the contact with John Paul.

"I understand," John Paul said kindly, "Really…"

Pulling Craig into his arms John Paul slapped his back firmly. "Two mates saying goodbye Craig," he whispered, "That's all anybody sees…"

Craig returned the hug gratefully, relishing the warmth of John Paul's arms until he had to let go and he had to leave.

---

John Paul stood by the gate for some time staring at the last place he saw Craig. The bustle of the airport continued around him but he noticed none of it as he wrapped his arms around himself and tried to recapture some of the warmth he felt when he held Craig.

---

Craig shivered as he took his seat on the aeroplane. The seat next to him was vacant, it should have belonged to Sarah, it could have belonged to John Paul. Craig had almost asked. Almost. Even then he was too afraid but he wasn't sure what of. He wasn't certain what scared him more, that John Paul might have said no, or that he might have said yes.

---

John Paul wasn't ready to head home yet so instead he slipped back into the small coffee shop and sat cradling a drink he didn't really want. Taking a sip he winced at the scalding temperature of the bitter liquid. He could hear the roar of planes as they soared overhead and he knew that one of them was winging its way to Dublin.

---

Craig sat back in his seat with a sigh. They were about to take off but there was still one more thing he needed to do… to say… he knew he shouldn't… but there were enough things in life Craig hadn't done because he shouldn't.

---

Pushing his hardly touched drink to one side John Paul got to his feet. He had a lot of explaining to do when he got home. He'd raced out of the house after Craig a few hours earlier without a word and he knew that there were things, many things, his mother was going to want to discuss with him. And then of course he had the rest of the village to face. No doubt Sarah had told her tale to anyone who would listen by now and John Paul knew he would be up against a lot of prejudice over the next few months. But somehow it didn't matter. For a small moment in time Craig Dean had loved him. For a short while he'd known contentment and if that were all he ever had then he would hold it close to his heart forever.

The vibrations of his phone interrupted John Paul's thoughts. It was a message from Craig and John Paul smiled as he read the words.

"I'm coming home for Christmas. See you then xx"


	4. Chapter 4

"Yeah Craig's having a great time," Jake leant over the bar as he spoke to Calvin, "Pulling a different bird every night… well you know how it is… Dean good looks – they don't stand a chance."

"Right yeah well I'd better…" Calving lifted the two drinks he had just bought and made his quick escape but not before casting a sympathetic glance John Paul's way.

"Oh didn't see you there," Jake said with a sneer as he turned to the younger man he had been more than aware of, "Babycham was it?"

"Shut it Jake… go and clear some tables." Jake flinched at the sound of his mother's voice behind him and quickly scurried away. It might have been a couple of months since he felt the sting of her disappointment, as well as her hand, but the memory was still as sharp as the slap had been.

"Don't listen to him love," Frankie said turning a warm smile to John Paul.

"Thanks Frankie," John Paul replied gratefully, "I never do."

"He misses you, you know… Craig…"

"Yeah?"

----

She was gorgeous. Not just pretty or attractive but absolutely gorgeous. And what was more was that she had readily agreed to a date with Craig. Craig Dean, the geek of Hollyoaks, was sat in a bar with Trisha, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her bright blue eyes sparkled with life as she ran her long delicate fingers through her glossy black hair and smiled a smile that could melt ice.

Yes, Craig Dean's luck with the women had certainly improved since moving to Dublin.

---

"You spoken to him recently?" Frankie asked as she handed John Paul a bottle of lager, waving away his money in a "forget it" gesture.

"Nah… few texts," John Paul replied as he tipped the lager bottle into his mouth, "We decided it would probably be easier if…"

Frankie nodded her understanding.

For the first few days John Paul and Craig had kept in constant touch, talking about their day, about their friends, about anything they could to avoid the one subject they wanted to discuss the most. And during every conversation John Paul's heart screamed out the need to tell Craig how much he was missing him, how much he needed and loved him and how much he wanted to hold him again.

Finally they had agreed to end the phone calls. Somehow hearing each other's voices made the distance seem that much greater and the longing that much deeper. John Paul had given Craig the time he needed and he had to step back and let Craig find his truth, whatever that might prove to be.

"You did the right thing you know," Frankie said as she reached over the bar and squeezed John Paul's arm gently.

"How d'you mean?"

"With Craig… what you said to him… not pushing him to be…" Frankie paused as if uncertain she was ready to use the word gay in relation to her youngest son.

"What else could I do? Craig's my best mate Frankie… nothing's ever gonna change that…"

---

Trisha's hand was warm as it rested on top of Craig's and her eyes stared at him intensely, flicking constantly to his mouth making Craig's heart race with anticipation. Running the tip of his tongue nervously over his lips Craig leant forward slowly. Mirroring his movement Trisha met his kiss enthusiastically.

Craig could feel the soft scratch of her long nails as they tickled at the back of his neck and the softness of her tongue as it traced over his lips. Craig slipped his hands around Trisha's waist and pulled her close. The sweet scent of her perfume filled his nostrils as the softness of her body pressed against him.

Craig felt as if it had been years since someone kissed him. So long since he'd kissed Sarah like this… since he'd kissed…

Suddenly Craig pulled back, throwing himself against his seat with a small whimper.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"What is it?" Trisha asked with concern, stroking her hand soothingly over Craig's thigh.

"It's nothing… I just… I can't do this… I'm sorry I just can't…"

"Someone back home?" Trisha's question took Craig by surprise and his eyes widened as he looked at her.

"Am I that obvious?"

"Let's just say I recognise the signs… my fella… my ex I suppose, we agreed not to try and do this long distance thing when I came to Dublin… doesn't mean I don't miss him every day…"

Craig smiled grateful for her gentle understanding, even if her understand was a little off the mark.

---

John Paul cradled his half drunk bottle in his hands as he settled into a quiet seat in the corner of the bar. Coming to the Dog felt like some kind of necessary torture. Every inch of the place held memories of Craig, not the least being the moment John Paul had finally managed to open his heart, and each memory was a beautiful pain that some days he couldn't bare and other days he couldn't live without.

"My mum might not be able to see through you…" John Paul looked up to face the angry glare of Jake Dean. "But I know what you are…"

"And what's that Jake?" John Paul asked with a weary sigh. He really couldn't be bothered with the older mans bigoted views of the world and he knew it would be easier simply to let Jake have his say.

"You're a filthy queer," Jake spat venomously, "And if you think I'm gonna let you get your claws into my brother again…"

Placing his bottle on the table John Paul laid his hands palm down on the cool ceramic service and half raised himself until his face was only inches from Jake's.

"You're a sad man Jake Dean," John Paul said so quietly that Jake had to strain to hear. "Whatever happens between Craig and me… well that's up to Craig… not me… and certainly not you…"

"You messed with his head… he would never have…"

"No? You sure about that… let me tell you Jake… I didn't drag Craig kicking and screaming into my bed… he came willingly… because he wanted to… he wanted ME…" John Paul's eyes flashed as he confronted Craig's older brother and his breath came in heavy pants.

"You disgusting little…" Jake's face contorted with anger and John Paul saw his hands ball into fists.

"Go on Jake," John Paul goaded, "You know you want to… I've met bigger bullies than you… and better ones… You don't frighten me Jake Dean…" John Paul raised himself to his full height. He knew he wasn't big man and he wasn't heavily muscled. But he was fit and he was strong and at that moment in time John Paul had the fight of his love raging through his chest.

It could have been the look that glowed in John Paul's striking blue eyes, or it might have been the realisation that he had met his match but Jake suddenly stepped back.

"You're not worth the effort," Jake sniggered as he walked away, trying desperately to feel like he had won the battle but knowing in truth that the victory had belonged to the young blonde man.

"Maybe not," John Paul replied as he sat down and picked up his bottle. "But Craig is."

---

"So who is she?" Trisha asked with a smile. "The girl back home, she's very lucky…"

"No… she's not… I mean…" Craig bit on his bottom lip. Since arriving in Dublin Craig hadn't mentioned John Paul to anyone but there was something about this young woman that made him want to open up to her.

"She's not… she's not a she…" Craig looked down at his hands as they twisted in his lap. He couldn't face seeing the look in her eyes, afraid he might see the disgust of his brother or the disappointment of his mother.

"I see…" Trisha said quietly. "Well that explains it then…"

"Sorry?" Craig lifted his gaze to see Trisha looking at him with laughter in her eyes.

"Well honestly, no straight guy would turn me down!" Trisha laughed as she spoke and Craig couldn't help but join in. He'd managed to let someone know about John Paul, and if felt good, really good.

"Gonna tell me about him?"

"God where would I start?"

"A name maybe?"

"Right, yeah… John Paul…"

"Nice… so how long were you two seeing each other?"

"Err about 12 hours!" Craig couldn't stop his laughter as he realised how ridiculous that sounded.

"As long as that," Trisha giggled, "Practically married then…"

"We were… are best mates…" Craig explained. "Then the night before I was due to come to Dublin he drops this bombshell that he's in love with me!"

"Heavy!"

"You're not kidding…"

"And what about you?"

"Me what?"

"Are you in love with him?"

---

The music was pulsating heavily around the club. John Paul could feel it through every inch of his body. It made his fingers tingle and his feet tap but mostly it felt as if the steady thrum of the music was beating in time with his heart.

The club was crowded and John Paul knew that he had each and every one of them in the palm of his hand. With his choice of music he could ruin their night or turn it into one of the best. As he held his headphones against one ear, carefully lining up the next track, John Paul smiled. He loved being a DJ. He loved the music, he loved the dancing but he had to admit, he also loved the power. Being the focal point of the club made his pulse race and a good night could leave him on a high better than any drugs could offer, just as an unsuccessful night could leave his mood in the doldrums as he slouched his way home.

But this was shaping up to be a very good night. The club was alive and so was John Paul.

"Yeah hang on a second mate," John Paul said to a customer who tapped his arm, not lifting his eyes as he careful cued his record.

Sliding the dials with an expert skill John Paul blended the two tracks together until the second one took over and the clubbers cheered his choice before continuing to dance.

"Now what was it?" John Paul turned to find out what song the customer was about to request and stopped dead.

The beat of the music suddenly felt mild compared to the thumping of his heart and his practiced DJ-smile froze on his face as the reality of the situation hit him.

"Craig…" The name breathed from his lips as if it came from somewhere deep inside, somewhere he had kept it hidden, locked away and safe.

"I said I was coming home for Christmas," Craig said with a wide smile. The look on John Paul's face was priceless and Craig was pleased he had managed to keep the details of exactly when he would be home a secret.

"Craig…"

"You said that!"

Craig drank in the sight of his best friend as if he hadn't seen him in years rather than a few months. His blue eyes seemed to shine more brightly than Craig had ever seen and his soft pink mouth gaped slightly open whilst at the same time turning up into an unbelieving smile.

"Craig!"

"OK… now you ARE gonna say something other than my name tonight aren't you?" Craig's voice held the tinkling music of laughter as he spoke and John Paul felt that laughter touching at his heart.

"Yeah… sorry…" he stammered, "I just wasn't expecting to see you… not here… not now…"

"Well I did go round to yours… but you weren't in … obviously!"

"No… I'm DJ-ing."

With another laugh Craig pointed out the record decks. "Yeah I kinda see that!"

"God you look… great… really… I guess Dublin agrees with you." A worry crossed John Paul's mind, a worry that he had had a million times before, the worry that in Dublin Craig had found happiness, had found someone… someone more "acceptable."

"Yeah it's not bad," Craig agreed with a nod, "Of course I don't see much of the place, what with studying hard and all…"

"Oh of course not." The men shared a laugh. While John Paul didn't doubt that Craig was studying hard at Trinity he was just as certain the older man had found time to party equally as hard.

"So I did what you said…" Craig said, his smile fading and a seriousness filling his soft chocolate eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah I did the student thing… did the partying and stuff… thought about us… if I could handle there being an us…"

"Right…" John Paul had the overwhelming urge to flee. Every atom of his being didn't want to hear what Craig had to say, didn't want to feel the heartbreak of rejection and didn't want to put on that fake smile that would say 'we can still be friends'.

"You not gonna ask me what I decided?" Craig tilted his head to one side with a half-smile that played on his lips.

"Do I want to know?" John Paul asked in a nervous hush.

"You tell me," Craig replied. Taking a step forward Craig slid his hand behind John Paul's neck, pulling the man's face towards him as their lips met. John Paul's whole body trembled as Craig's mouth touched his. Craig's kiss felt nervous at first, uncertain, but, as Craig's other hand pulled John Paul in closer still it deepened into something more confident.

Craig could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage. With each step that had brought him back to Hollyoaks Craig had rehearsed what he was going to say to John Paul, what he was going to do. In fact he had worked out an entire speech that involved much explaining of his feeling and his need to find out if John Paul could be the love he thought he might be. But seeing John Paul had pushed all those words from Craig's mind. He didn't need words. They didn't need words. The warmth of their kiss sealed the promise between them.

"Oy McQueen, I pay you to DJ… not snog the punters."

Reluctantly pulling away from Craig's lips John Paul looked up sheepishly.

"Sorry Warren."

Warren Fox grinned down at the two younger men. He'd heard stories that his DJ had recently come out but he didn't realise the kid from the Dog was that way inclined as well, what was his name? He wasn't related to Jack Osborne by blood was he, Dean something… not that couldn't be right, his brother's Jake Dean. Warren shook his head, he didn't really care anyway.

"Yeah well, don't let it happen again… I couldn't care less what you do in your own time, but keep your mind on the job while you're here eh?"

"Sorry, it was my fault," Craig said with an apologetic smile, "But is it OK if I buy my boyfriend a drink?"

Warren chuckled softly. "Only if you get his boss one as well!"

"Deal."

John Paul watched open mouthed as Craig made his way over to the bar, weaving in and out of the busy throng as he went.

"Did he just call me his boyfriend?" John Paul asked in amazement.

"Yeah I think so," Warren shrugged with little interest and no knowledge of how important that word was to John Paul. How big a step forward it was for Craig to have used the word, and used it so easily.

"He did… he called me his boyfriend…" John Paul's eyes seemed glazed as he started into the nightclub but saw nothing.

"Err McQueen…"

"I can't believe he said that…"

"McQueen…"

"He actually said…"

"John Paul!" Grabbing John Paul's shoulders Warren shouted into the young man's face, snapping him back to reality.

"Sorry… what…"

"The record's about to finished… and unless you have one of those new invisible discs on that second deck I think you should pull your finger out."

"Shit, right, yeah."

With an inborn skill John Paul quickly flipped a record onto the spare deck and cued it just in time to mix it together with the end of the previous track. It was close but John Paul's easy knack made the transition flawless and nobody in the club would ever have known.

"Here we go." Craig said returning with three bottles of lager. "Sorry, didn't ask what you drink," he said handing a bottle to Warren, "Hope this is OK."

"It'll do," Warren replied taking the drink from the young dark haired man and turning to go. "Oh and if you could try not to distract my DJ too much for the rest of the evening!"

"I'll try my best," Craig said with a grin. As Warren moved out of earshot Craig turned his smile to John Paul. "But I can't promise!" He said with a look that made John Paul wish the night were over rather than only just beginning.

---

The walk back from the Loft was usually an exhausting journey for John Paul. Even at the end of a good night his record bag would weigh heavily on his shoulder as his heavy feet pulled him closer to the comfort and rest of his bed.

But this night it was different. John Paul's feet seemed to skip along the pavement and his bag felt as if it contained nothing more than feathers.

The cause of John Paul's light steps was the same as the cause of his pounding heart and spinning head. Walking through the centre of Hollyoaks village John Paul felt complete. His hand was held tightly in the grip of another, in the grip of Craig.

Craig had been nervous when he first entered the Loft that evening. He had hoped for some time alone with John Paul before he had to let the rest of the world in on his decision but the option was taken from him when he discovered that John Paul was working. It had been shaking legs that had transported Craig up the steps of the Loft but the second his eyes landed on the features of the beautiful blue-eyed DJ all of Craig's fears seemed to melt away. He knew, without a seconds doubt, that the choice he had made was the right one and, as he kissed John Paul in the full view of the busy club, Craig realised that he could face anything with that blonde man by his side.

"I still can't believe you're here," John Paul said with a happy smile as he gripped Craig's hand tighter, "It feels like you've been away forever."

"I know what you mean… it's hard to think that it was only a few months ago we were at the airport," Craig replied with a sigh.

"In the airport toilets," John Paul said with a wicked grin.

"Can't say I remember that," Craig teased, "You might have to remind me later!"

"I might…" John Paul laughed before stopping and turning to face his… his boyfriend. "I'm so glad you're home Craig… I was so scared that… that you wouldn't…"

"Let's sit down." Craig directed John Paul over to the stone seating around the fountain. The fountain that felt as if it had been there since the beginning of time, watching over everyone's lives and never passing comment, never passing judgement, just watching and knowing.

"I had a lot of time to think while I was in Dublin," Craig said as the two men sat together, their fingers interlocked as they each looked into the most beautiful eyes they had ever seen. "About you… me… us… if I could… if I even wanted to… it's not been easy John Paul… some nights I thought my head my explode as I tried to work out what it was I wanted… you really dropped on hell of a bombshell the night before I left… you do know that don't you?"

"I know, I'm sorry… I never meant… I just had to let you know, it was killing me seeing you every day and not being able to say how I felt… could probably have picked a better time though!"

"Yeah… like a few months before I was due to leave the country rather than a few hours!"

"Better late than never?" John Paul shrugged his shoulders and laughed.

Craig joined in the laughter. It was good to see John Paul laugh, in fact it was just good to see John Paul, to be with him, to touch him and to know that what he felt was real.

"I met this girl… in Dublin…" Craig started cautiously; he felt John Paul's fingers tighten involuntarily as a flash of something resembling worry streaked through his gentle blue eyes. "She was stunning… I mean really… super-model drop dead gorgeous stunning…"

"OK…" John Paul was concentrating on keeping his breathing slow and steady. Craig was here. That was all he had to remember, Craig was here, with him.

"And we went out on this date… we you did say to go and do the whole student thing…"

"Yeah I know…"

"So there we are… on this date in this nice bar… me and Trisha, that's her name… having a few drinks… you know… usual stuff. And she's sat close to me… like you are now… and then we kissed and… it was amazing…"

"I see." John Paul's jaw clenched as he tried to control his emotions. The last thing he wanted to hear about was Craig's amazing kiss with some beautiful woman. Why would Craig want to tell him this, why try and hurt him like this?

Craig could feel the man beside him tense and so he continued his story quickly. "No you don't see, that's the thing… there I was… ordinary me… with this gorgeous girl… who's kissing me and what's amazing is… there's nothing… "

"Nothing?"

"Yeah… I mean – I was waiting for the heart pounding excitement to begin… but…"

"Nothing…"

"Not a thing… and then I thought about the first time I kissed you…"

"And…"

"And I stopped kissing her… You see, the first time we kissed," Craig brushed his hand softly over John Paul's cheek, "It felt like... 'Oh now I get it'… I mean kissing had always been nice… but it was like… like you switched all the lights on and I found out what it was supposed to be…"

"I did that?"

"Yeah… you did that… and the first time you made love to me… I think I knew then what I wanted… who I wanted… but I had to be sure… you know?"

"And you are?"

"That's girl, Trisha… I told her about you… about us and everything that had happened and she asked me a question… and when she did I realised that I'd known the answer for months."

"What did she ask?"

"I'd told her… how you'd said you were in love with me… and she asked… she said… 'Are you in love with him?'"

"And what did you say?" John Paul felt breathless; his heart was racing as Craig's rich brown eyes bore deeply into his own pale blue ones in a look that made him feel more alive than he knew it was possible to feel.

Craig smiled as he took a tight hold of both of John Paul's hands.

"I told her that John Paul McQueen is the most incredible man I have ever met… that I can't believe I was lucky enough to find him… to have him as a friend and then to have him love me. I told her that I couldn't imagine a single day of my life without him being a part of it and then I told her…" Craig squeezed John Paul's hands even tighter. "I told her that I don't know when it happened… or how it happened… but yeah… yeah I'm in love with him… I mean it John Paul… I love you."

"Oh Craig…" John Paul could feel the warmth of his tears as they tumbled happily over his cheeks to be quickly kissed away by the heat of Craig's soft mouth.

Turning his face John Paul claimed Craig's lips, pulling the man close as their tongues sought out the taste of each other in a kiss that was filled with passion and love.

"I love you Craig Dean," John Paul gasped with his lips only a fraction away from his lovers, "Always."

---

"Shhh." John Paul hushed Craig as they tiptoed into his bedroom but his intense stare and demand for quiet just made Craig giggle louder.

"D'you remember the last time you were sneaking me into your room?" Craig asked as the door closed behind them.

John Paul nodded. The last time had been their first time. The first time Craig had realised, or at least admitted, he had feelings for John Paul and the first time they made love.

"As I recall… you were wearing considerably less clothes that night," Craig said as he took John Paul's record bag from his shoulder and put it to one side.

"I think we both were… eventually!" Pushing Craig's jacket from his shoulders John Paul let it fall to the floor as he pulled his love into his arms.

John Paul's heart raced as his lips touched Craig's. He had dreamed so long that this was how things would be but he had never let himself hope, not to hard, just in case it wasn't to be.

Craig's arms slid around John Paul's waist as they kissed. Every time he kissed that wonderful man felt like the first time, his heart would pound and his pulse would race and Craig would wonder how he ever thought he could spend his life without feeling that content.

Their hands seemed to magic away their clothing as, one by one, shirts and trousers, boxers and socks were scattered across the floor and the men took a moment to enjoy each other's naked forms.

John Paul ran his hands lightly over Craig's chest, as firm and honed as he remembered, his skin was still as soft and, as John Paul pressed his mouth to it, he discovered it tasted just as sweet. Or maybe even sweeter, because this time when he let his tongue trail over Craig's chest, flicking over his nipples as they came to attention, John Paul knew that Craig was finally his.

Craig closed his eyes as John Paul's hot mouth roamed over his flesh. But even with closed eyes he could see every inch of John Paul's body. His pale porcelain skin with a soft covering of pale hair, so light that he almost looked hairless, and that darker trail leading from his belly button downwards, directing him to ultimate pleasure, to paradise.

"John Paul…" Craig's voice shook slightly as John Paul's mouth wandered painfully slowly towards his belly.

"Hmm?"

"You know how I said I loved you?"

"Yeah…"

"Well there's one thing I didn't tell you…"

Lifting his face back to Craig's John Paul looked at his boyfriend with a concerned frown. "And what was that?"

With a laugh Craig placed his hands against John Paul's chest and shoved him onto the bed.

"Just that I fancy you like crazy… now c'mere…"

John Paul laughed as Craig quickly joined him on the bed, arms and legs wrapping tightly together as they struggled to get as close as physically possible.

"Craig?" John Paul mumbled into Craig's mouth.

"Hmm."

"You know how you said you fancied me like crazy?"

Craig pulled back slightly and looked at his boyfriend with quizzical amusement. "Yeah?"

"Well… I think I believe you!" As he spoke John Paul curled his fingers around the firmness of Craig's cock that had been pushing against him as they kissed.

"Can't argue with evidence as large as that!" Craig said boastfully. "And if I'm not much mistaken," with a grin Craig reached for John Paul's impressive erection, "I think the feeling might be mutual!"

The two men looked at each other as their fingers travelled the length of the hard erections in their hands, their gazes melting into one as their combined love and desire seemed to shine from their eyes.

"I love you so much Craig Dean," John Paul breathed as the pleasure of Craig's touch made his body tremble, "I really do… more than I ever thought I could love anyone… make love to me Craig… I want to feel you inside me… I want to feel you become a part of me…"

Craig raised himself to his knees and moved between John Paul's thighs. He looked down on his prone lover and felt his cock twitch and throb at the appreciation of such a beautiful sight.

"I already am a part of you," Craig said, "I always have been…"

Taking a hold of John Paul's hands Craig pulled the man upright until they were facing each other, their cocks brushing together in a rush of electricity that made the both whimper softly.

Craig's mouth claimed possession of John Paul's sweet lips as his hands stroked over the man's back before squeezing firmly as his tight buttocks. John Paul sighed into Craig's mouth as Craig massaged his buttocks firmly, pushing them together and then easing them apart, each new touch making his heart race in anticipation of what was to come.

Slowly and teasingly Craig slipped his finger into his mouth, sucking against it with a wicked grin before coating it with his saliva. John Paul gasped with pleasure when he felt that moist fingertip slip between his buttocks and press gently against his tight opening.

"Oh god…" John Paul gasped, gripping tight onto Craig's shoulders in a sudden need for support as Craig's finger pushed deeper into him.

"Is this OK?" Craig asked at the unexpected shaking of John Paul's body.

"God yeah…" John Paul said enthusiastically as Craig eased his finger ever deeper.

"And this?"

John Paul moaned louder as a second finger joined the first, exploring the depths of his flesh and making him hungry for more.

Craig watched with amazement as his touch made John Paul's cheeks flush and his chest heave with heavy pants. He couldn't believe he could make another person, another man, feel that good and the more John Paul moaned the more Craig wanted to hear it. He wanted to hear John Paul scream his name as he came and he wanted to hear John Paul say that he loved him as his orgasm rolled through his body.

"I want you so much Craig… I need you… god I need you…"

Craig kissed John Paul again, firmly and with passion, his tongue tracing the interior of John Paul's hot mouth and searching the length of his delicious tongue.

Pulling away from John Paul Craig moved to sit with his back against the headboard and held out his hands for John Paul to join him.

Taking hold of Craig's hands John Paul straddled the man's thighs, lowering himself until he could feel the head of Craig's cock pushing against him.

Letting go of one hand Craig guided his cock against John Paul's body, holding it still as John Paul eased himself downwards.

Craig moaned at the sensation as the tight ring of John Paul's anus suddenly opened up to him, allowing him entrance to the hot tightness of John Paul's flesh.

John Paul gasped as Craig's cock breached him, holding his breath as the initial hit of pain was quickly consumed by the ultimate rush of pleasure as he lowered himself further, moving down until he was sat against Craig's lap, the man's thick hard cock buried deep inside him.

"Oh god!" All logical comments seemed gone from Craig's mind as his ability for coherent speech seemed to leave him. Why had no one ever told him how good this could feel? Why had no one ever let him know that making love to someone you really loved was actually that… making love.

As John Paul began to rise and fall against the firmness of the cock deep inside him Craig couldn't tear his gaze from the soft azure eyes that looked at him with unconditional love. He had never felt so right, so complete and he knew that in John Paul's arms was where he truly belonged.

Both men began to breath heavily as John Paul rode firmly against Craig's cock, Craig raising himself up to meet John Paul's descending body, making them both moan loudly and reach for each other, their mouths clashing together with hungry desperation as they moved faster and harder against each other.

Craig could already feel the heavy throb of his balls and his cock seemed to ache for release, to express itself inside the perfect passage that gripped and yielded to him so wonderfully.

Gripping tightly onto John Paul's cock Craig stroked it in time with their motion; holding it firmly and feeling it pulse as his hand moved faster and faster over its length. John Paul moaned at Craig's touch making his body shudder with pleasure just as surely as the exquisite firmness deep inside him was doing and he knew that the joy of it wouldn't last much longer.

"Oh god John Paul…" Craig's voice shook; as John Paul seemed to ride him faster and harder with every passing second, the tightness of his hot flesh drawing his climax ever closer.

"Come inside me Craig," John Paul whispered, his hands against the sides of Craig's face and his eyes filled with passion and love. "Let me feel you come deep inside me."

Craig couldn't answer. John Paul's words, John Paul's body, John Paul's touch, it was all too much and Craig threw his head back crying out as his cock pulsed and throbbed into John Paul's body, his climax seeming to explode from him and pour deeply into that perfect body.

"Fuck… Craig… oh god…" John Paul's body shuddered as the heat of Craig's release filled him and he could no longer hold back his own pleasure as wave after wave of pure physical perfection seemed to wash over him, his cock throbbing heavily in Craig's hand as he came, coating both their bellies with the thick white heat of his lust.

"That was unbelievable," Craig panted as John Paul pulled the duvet up over them both and held out his arms to Craig.

"You're unbelievable," John Paul replied with a contented smile as Craig nestled into his embrace and he slowly allowed the need for sleep pull him away.

---

"Love I've brought you a…" Myra's words died on her lips as she entered her son's bedroom.

John Paul rubbed at his sleepy eyes looking at his mother with a moment's confusion before becoming conscious of Craig's head still resting against his chest.

Myra took a deep breath. She wasn't completely comfortable with John Paul's choice in partner, in lifestyle, but she couldn't argue the fact that, as she stood at the end of his bed, she had never seen her son happier.

"I brought you a tea," Myra continued, "I didn't know Craig was home… I'll go and make another…"

John Paul smiled his thanks to his mother as she placed the mug on his bedside table and walked to the door. Looking back for a second she saw Craig stir in her son's arms and his long lashes lift to reveal the deep brown eyes beneath.

Seeing the look that passed between the two young men Myra felt some of her concerns disappear. Anyone that looked at her son with that much love couldn't be so bad and any life style that left John Paul looking so totally content must have something going for it.

The two men touched their lips together in a brief morning greeting, there was no need for words as what they felt shone from their eyes.

With a smile Craig placed his head back against the comfortable warmth of John Paul's chest. Myra was right. Craig Dean was home.


End file.
